I’d always dreamt of having a son and a daughter. When our daughter, O, was born (which was a miracle in itself, save story for future post) I wasn’t sure if we’d ever be able to conceive again. To our complete shock my wife became pregnant just seven months after O was born. I thought since I wanted a boy (now that I had my little girl) that God would find some way to make sure it was another girl. Plus, I don’t know, I’ve always been around a lot of girls when I was younger. Had a lot of “girl” friends, even lived with several girls in an apartment (No, not like that you sick pigs!). It wasn’t that I didn’t want another girl but the thought of a boy was just so inviting. Well, of course, I got my wish and Jake was born almost one year ago, today.
I gotta say, I struggled, a lot with having another baby. It’s not that I didn’t want another baby, I really did. It’s that I felt extreme guilt! I loved O so much! I felt as if part of me was going to be taken away, stolen from O. Oh the guilt was just bad! I didn’t understand it fully and wondered if others felt it too. At times it made it hard to get excited at the coming baby because all I could think about was what I was going to be taking away from O. I knew this wasn’t rational but we’re talking emotions here so even though it didn’t make intellectual sense to me it still permeated my every thought. Fortunately, soon after Jake was born that feeling deteriorated to the point that it wasn’t there anymore.
I love Jake so much! I love him in addition to O which means I don’t have to give up anything to do so. No love to give up just more love to share. It’s like this pocket of love that was there all along just not inflated.
Now almost one year later as Jake is turning one this Monday I think how O probably doesn’t remember life without him. After all, she was sixteen months old when he was born and those sixteen months went really fast for all of us! O completely loves her little brother! From the moment he was born she was always so intrigued by him. She loves mimicking him by crawling around the floor next to him or screeching whenever he screeches. She’s also emotionally in touch with him though. She tries to make him laugh all the time (she gets that from her silly daddy) but when he’s not feeling well and crying she tries to console him. It’s so cute…She’ll say, “Jake’s crying” or “Jake’s sad” and then try and give him a doll or hug him. The bond between them is so close and so cute! I know that might change as they get older but for now? I’m enjoying taking it all in.
It’s also neat noticing the difference between the two of them. Now that Jake is almost one and O is twenty eight months the differences as well as similarities are shining through. Jake is quite a bit of an introvert like his mommy, taking in the world around him. While O is much more extroverted like her daddy. It will be interesting to see how the two of them grow up together being so close in age.
This weekend we’re going to visit my wife’s family and celebrate Jake’s very first birthday! The year has gone by fast but I’ve learned to capture the moments that will permeate my brain forever. These times are precious and they’ll never return. It’s quite sad to be honest but I can’t be sad for the future I need to be happy for the present. I’m going to have these little guys forever and every stage in their life will be amazing. For now? I’m going to enjoy a sloooow weekend taking it in, reflecting on the last year and celebrating the two most amazing joys in my life.