I’d always dreamt of having a son and a daughter. When our daughter, O, was born (which was a miracle in itself, save story for future post) I wasn’t sure if we’d ever be able to conceive again. To our complete shock my wife became pregnant just seven months after O was born. I thought since I wanted a boy (now that I had my little girl) that God would find some way to make sure it was another girl. Plus, I don’t know, I’ve always been around a lot of girls when I was younger. Had a lot of “girl” friends, even lived with several girls in an apartment (No, not like that you sick pigs!). It wasn’t that I didn’t want another girl but the thought of a boy was just so inviting. Well, of course, I got my wish and Jake was born almost one year ago, today.
I gotta say, I struggled, a lot with having another baby. It’s not that I didn’t want another baby, I really did. It’s that I felt extreme guilt! I loved O so much! I felt as if part of me was going to be taken away, stolen from O. Oh the guilt was just bad! I didn’t understand it fully and wondered if others felt it too. At times it made it hard to get excited at the coming baby because all I could think about was what I was going to be taking away from O. I knew this wasn’t rational but we’re talking emotions here so even though it didn’t make intellectual sense to me it still permeated my every thought. Fortunately, soon after Jake was born that feeling deteriorated to the point that it wasn’t there anymore.
I love Jake so much! I love him in addition to O which means I don’t have to give up anything to do so. No love to give up just more love to share. It’s like this pocket of love that was there all along just not inflated.
Now almost one year later as Jake is turning one this Monday I think how O probably doesn’t remember life without him. After all, she was sixteen months old when he was born and those sixteen months went really fast for all of us! O completely loves her little brother! From the moment he was born she was always so intrigued by him. She loves mimicking him by crawling around the floor next to him or screeching whenever he screeches. She’s also emotionally in touch with him though. She tries to make him laugh all the time (she gets that from her silly daddy) but when he’s not feeling well and crying she tries to console him. It’s so cute…She’ll say, “Jake’s crying” or “Jake’s sad” and then try and give him a doll or hug him. The bond between them is so close and so cute! I know that might change as they get older but for now? I’m enjoying taking it all in.
It’s also neat noticing the difference between the two of them. Now that Jake is almost one and O is twenty eight months the differences as well as similarities are shining through. Jake is quite a bit of an introvert like his mommy, taking in the world around him. While O is much more extroverted like her daddy. It will be interesting to see how the two of them grow up together being so close in age.
This weekend we’re going to visit my wife’s family and celebrate Jake’s very first birthday! The year has gone by fast but I’ve learned to capture the moments that will permeate my brain forever. These times are precious and they’ll never return. It’s quite sad to be honest but I can’t be sad for the future I need to be happy for the present. I’m going to have these little guys forever and every stage in their life will be amazing. For now? I’m going to enjoy a sloooow weekend taking it in, reflecting on the last year and celebrating the two most amazing joys in my life.
Great post. It was a good read for me because I am about to have our 2nd. Those feelings of guilt are interesting, I haven’t felt those yet, but probably will as the birth of #2 gets closer.
also, great pic of your daughter kissing your son, amazing moments for a dad!
Yeah, I can’t say when those feelings started I just know they got deeper and stronger as time went on. I thought about all this special time I had to share with O…just us. Then I thought of how I’d have to now share that same attention divided among two. It tore me up but thankfully it quickly went away after Jake came. Can’t wait for your #2!!!
Love it…as you know I felt the same way…how in the world would I ever love another little dude when Aidan was my one and only for 5 years? It works though, some how, some where, something clicks and then you are even more complete than before….like “Oh, this was what was missing!”
Happy Birthday Jake!
Yeah, it’s amazing the feelings that come up during the whole process, huh? I’ll pass on the Birthday wishes to the little guy! lol Thanks for commenting Barbie and I hope you’re doing well.
I felt that guilt for sure … guilt for losing the sole-love and time with my DD and guilt as well or not being able to provide DS with that same sole-love and time!!! Ahhhh!
As you wrote, though, somehow the love expands! Thank God!
Great post Josh!
Happy birthday Jake!
Thanks so much Janine! What's amazing for me is being able to learn and understand that many feelings I have I share with other people, both Mom's and Dad's. I felt like such a freak! I'm like, "Am I the only person that feels this way?" Thanks for the Birthday wishes!!
Wonderful post. I also struggled as our second was on the way, but I comforted myself thinking of all the things our oldest would gain from having that sibling. Plus, it's been a challenge, but also very rewarding to find special activities and events that are exclusive "daddy/son" or "daddy/daughter" time. I really cherish those things now.
Yeah that's really cool! I love the idea of having special "daddy time" for each of them when they're both older. All the great things to look forward to! I love it! Thanks so much for stopping by and reading my post. I greatly appreciate it and love sharing things with new Mom's and Dad's alike.
what a sweet post! We only have one yet, but this is how I feel about having a second…how will i POSSIBLY love that baby as much as I love Eddie? But that picture of O and Jake? oh swoon! so sweet!
I know, I couldn't even imagine loving another…I felt like I was cheating on O! You know what though…It's just there! That love, it's just there and it's not even an issue…crazy little thing called love.
I also worry about how to “balance” my love and time as we consider adding a second child to our family. I wouldn’t call it guilt, because we wouldn’t even consider if we didn’t think we could do it, but there is definitely some concern. It helps to keep hearing from experienced parents that it does work and no one is cheated.
Glad I could help you if only in one small way. It's important to share our feelings about this stuff. We find out we're actually not alone and crazy! lol I wish you all the best should you decide to expand your family! Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment! I hope you come back again.
This was marvelously written. I have crossed that threshold a few times wondering if an introduction into an already loved filled home would take away from the current residents. It just seems to always grow and engulf everyone and the pocket does fill and everything works out. Jake and O are very lucky, but mostly, you are.
Thank you very much. Yes, I am very lucky! I'm also lucky to be able to share my stories here and have such great readers!
This is so sweet. And you know I feel the same way. It scares me to think about having to split the love between Ava and another kid. That's probably why it's taken me nearly 5 years to decide that I am ready for another one.
The birthday posts have been great!