Last night I awoke to my wife getting off the couch and running to the back of the house. Yes, I happened to have fallen asleep on that same couch as well. However, she heard O crying while I was deep in my little piece of heaven I call sleep. By the time I got back to the kids’ bedroom Jake was standing up crying and O was laying in her bed crying. The boss told me that O had peed her bed!
Side Note: O hasn’t worn a diaper in a couple of weeks now and this was the first time she’d ever had an accident in bed!
Where was I? Oh right, O was laying in her own pee. Well of course I felt just awful and wanted to do something. As you would’ve imagined I jumped to the task! I swooped O out of bed, carefully mind you, laid her on the changing table and proceeded to clean up the mess. With one fail swoop I whisked the sheets (including mattress pad) off the bed and with the other hand successfully managed to place both new mattress pad and sheet on the crib. Within 22 seconds O was sound asleep in her crib again with changed clothes and all.
Okay, that’s not exactly what happened. It turns out that being a Dad with sleep deprivation whose name happens to be Josh is a complete bone head at midnight when woken from a sound sleep. You see when I got in the room I understood what was happening and yes I felt so awful for her. What I didn’t get was what to do next! The boss had to instruct me in the following ways:
The Boss: Take her out of bed and change the sheets
Me: Okay….
The Boss: Okay, the sheets are in the Armoire
Me: Okay….
The Boss: The mattress pad goes on first
Me: Okay…
The Boss: Take your time I have no problem holding Jake here and watching O while you do this (saracsticly).
Me: Okay…
The Boss: Change her clothes
Me: Okay…
The Boss: You actually have to place her back in her crib now
Me: Okay…
Once both babies were back to bed and all order had been restored I actually felt pretty good about myself. Albeit, dead tired and a bit shell shocked from the happenings of the last few minutes. What I wasn’t expecting was her reaction though! She turned to me and told me how upset she was with me. I couldn’t believe it! Yeah, well I guess she had to tell me how to do every single thing. I was an idiot! I was as useless as a ragdoll and what’s worse is I didn’t even know it!
So it got me thinking…Am I the only one this happens too? Do other wives have husbands that respond this way in similar situations? Do other Dads have brains that turn to much in similar situations?
Please, tell me I’m not a jerk! Tell me I’m not alone and that this is totally normal! If it’s not tell me that too though because I’m going to need some help!!
You gave it your best, that doesn't make you a jerk.
To your Boss: unfortunately that is completely normal. However, several years of training, using stick and carrot (and other reward systems), and sometimes not doing your share of home work/taking care of the kids works, and it gets easier for both.
LOL! Thanks Katja!!
Well… sleep deprivation does make us dopey. At our house, it's the other way around. I'm the one who jumps up and does everything one handed, while my wife tries to catch up. But then I have always been able to jump out of sleep pretty easy, even with my Sleep Apnea.
Yeah, when I'm asleep, I'm asleep! It's hard to get me up and in the middle of the night I'm just a dope. Thanks for stopping by!
My reactions are definitely different in that kind of situation – but then, I did on-call work and had a pager by the side of the bed for years; Waking up,solving a on the spot crisis, and falling asleep in seconds is 2nd nature.
That said, I think that in many families the woman / mother is the "project manager". The man is probably much better with helping out with kids and cooking and groceries, etc. But in many cases, it's jut that: help. The woman is in charge, decides what to do, and the man does what she tells him to. The problem with that is that it leaves the man in a reactive role and the woman with all the responsibility. If you're used to a dynamic what you're being told what to do, you stop thinking – you wait for instructions.
The dynamic can be hard to break. The woman will likely come to expect to know better, and so will automatically be directing, and even correct when then man is has the initiative. Both will get used to the "boss + assistant mode". And that dynamic is not an equal adults dynamic; it's a mother+son dynamic, not a wife+husband dynamic. You don't want that. It leads to loss of respect.
Being shell-shocked from waking up is understandable. Happens to all of us at some point. But we men have to take more charge with household things. We usually have no trouble doing so at work, so we can do it at home, too.
Great points all around! Yeah, many times I fall into that role where I'm waiting for instruction. Not so much for doing housework, per se. I'm the cook in the house and primarily clean the kitchen as well. I wouldn't say we have "traditional" roles that way but I do see in many times where I fall into the other role you speak of. Definitely something for me to think about. Thanks for the insight!
I hear you. It's an observation from here (Scandinavia) that gender roles have surely changed, that "traditional" roles are gone in many (most?) families, that men do a decent share of housekeeping – but that women remain the project managers. I many families, women remember birthdays, presents for the kid's friends, preparing for events at school, buying winter boots in time to be ready when the season kicks in, signing kids up for dance lessons, and on and on.
It's great that men are stepping up to share housekeeping and raising children. Sharing the project management & the responsibility is the next step that needs to be taken.
Yeah totally agree. I've always been a bit unconventional when it's come to my role as a parent. It's exactly why I got into Blogging and Social Media from a Dads perspective as I have. Moms and Dads are different but we're both parents and that means there is no gender differentiation when it comes to loving, supporting, nurturing, and caring for your children. Other countries such as where you live have gotten this for a long time. Americans (some) are still stuck in the 50's thinking that men go and work and come home to a cooked meal with slippers and the paper at the door.
I love how you refer to your wife as The Boss:)
Totally normal behavior–your night sounds like several nights we've had in our house, lol…I don't think the mom brain ever shuts down, it is one of many superpowers we possess.
Yeah, you women do have it together "all the time" where you get me out of my element and I'm just a rock…
I’m impressed actually. My husband would have slept though all of it which just pisses me off. Right now he’s rocking our youngest back to sleep after I about decapitated him. I’m pretty sure he’s asleep in there with her right now.
That's funny! Well, probably not for you! I'm a very heavy sleeper but when I hear either of the babies I'm usually right up. The problem is after I'm up I'm still no good.
It comes and goes. It happens on this side of the universe too. A simple solution is to train yourself to hear the cries.. It means sleeping in five minute increments.. But it’ll help the frustration towards you..
U r not an idiot, sometimes things have to be done that way. total chaos when you have 2 crying. You did just fine and even helped. My hubby doesn't even wake up to help me. He nudges me and I get up to take care of the problem. Sometimes I don't even think that he know that he does that. Granted he works right now and I do not, but still. When I was working he still did the same thing. My oldest is 12 and my youngest is 2. I have only been out of work for 1 year. Bravo to you. You helped!!!
You're not a jerk. It sounds like neither one of you is really at your best in the middle of the night. I know I'm not, and my husband doesn't help. On the very rare occasion he tries, it involves yelling and grumpiness. Not helpful. My suggestion is that if you're not good at problem solving in the middle of the night, then talk to your wife and maybe YOU can be the one to hold the other child. That is still helping, and should get things put back together quicker.
Wow, great suggestion! I hadn't even thought of that! LOL! Damn, where were you at midnight the other night?? LOL
Well, I know what I'm doing, being a stay at homer, but the wife still try's to tell me what to do in these situations…… Either way, we're boned.
Pretty much!! LOL! Props to you for being a SAHD! I wish I could be…
Haha! Very, very normal my friend! This actually happens to me too, but during the day, at work ( I work in a classroom with 13 special Ed teens!) I am so sleep deprived and out of it mentally that ppl seriously have to wave their hand in front of my eyes to make sure I’m not sleeping with my eyes open! Don’t stress… It all works out in the end
That's funny! Thanks for the laugh! Wow! I'm impressed by what you do for a living…very hard and gratifying work!
Awww, thanks Anna! You're awesome! I appreciate the support even though I still feel like a bonehead! LOL Thank you!!!!
Josh, join the club. Just last night your mother, my boss, asked me, when she called on her way home. to make a salad. she also said we will have the beef stew for dinner.. As soon as she walked into the house without stopping to thank me for making salad, she berated me for not taking the stew out of the fridge and prepare that as well. You will learn that for married men it the rule of "catch 22". Remember, "OK" is not enough!! The right answer is always- "Yes Dear"
That apple didn't fall far from the tree… not only to I have to tell your Dad every last detail he has to write it down first.
Very normal, don't lose sleep over it
Lol, it totally happens. At least you were there helping
I was trying!
Thanks Bud!! Always worrying over here….
I hear often about how Dads are much deeper sleepers than Moms. I know that I wake up from the very first peep I hear, whereas my husband won't wake up unless he's kicked (actually kicked)! He swears he hears everything and is up all night. Stop! I'm laughing too hard!
Sounds just about right!! LOL Thanks so much for stopping by my blog!