Normally I’m posting a cute pic or video of O or Jake on Wednesday’s. After all, Wordless Wednesday’s have become somewhat of a tradition and maybe even a staple in a Bloggers (well some) arsenal of posts. However, today I’m diverting a bit and may come back to Wordless Wednesday later today or tomorrow.
I haven’t been paying much attention to the news these days. With my job, the work I’m doing with DadsTalking, this blog, and of course spending as much time as possible with my family leaves little zero time for anything else. Last night I was sitting down with The Boss after the kids finally went down to sleep. She shared a story with me from CNN that just got me so fueled I felt like I needed to vent about it.
If you haven’t heard the story it goes something like this. An 18 year old girl and her boyfriend are getting stoned at their house. What? That’s not so bad? Oh right, well let me fill you in on the rest. So, add to that a 22 month old baby boy. Now add to that; they decide it would be funny to take masking tape and tape up his hands. They tape up his hands in such a way that he can’t move his fingers. In fact, they take it a step further and leave his middle finger exposed. Isn’t that so funny that a 22 month old can flip you off with his entire hand taped up sans his middle finger? What the hell is wrong with these people?? That’s not the end of it, it gets much worse! Then they think it would be even funnier to physically tape him to the wall! They take his sippy cup and tape that above his head. He’s literally hanging, stuck to the wall with tape! Once they let him down they leave the sippy cup taped so that he’s struggling to reach it. It’s just high enough out of the way that he can’t reach it.
What the fuck is wrong with these people??? How could you do this to a baby? To anyone? This is their child! Can you imagine being tormented in this way by your own flesh and blood? At 22 months old? I’m almost at a loss of words, almost!
To add insult to injury the mother receives 10 days in jail! 10…TEN!!! Plus? She’s allowed to serve them over the weekends! Seriously!? Really!? How is this even possible?
Before we jump to the conclusion that this was done because they were stoned let’s just nip that in the bud. It’s not something I brag about but having been stoned most of my teenage years I can tell you the thought of harming someone else, let alone my own flesh and blood never once occurred to me. This goes so far beyond smoking a little bit of weed. These two people have some sick mental issues. The fact that this mother received 10 days (and on the weekend) is almost as disturbing and speaks to the weakness in our judicial system and laisser-faire attitude we take when it comes to punishment.
I think there’s too much going on to actually understand what would bring these two kids to do something like this. Should we blame their parents? Society? Drugs? Obviously, watching a CNN video is not going to give us this insight.
Can I punish these two kids?
No.
Can I change our Judicial System?
Not likely (at least not single-handedly)
So what can I do? What can we do?
Well, as parents I think we can have the greatest impact. Obviously, the best way to prevent this type of abuse from happening to our kids is to not do it! Beyond that though I think the focus needs to be on how to prevent our children from ever thinking this is appropriate as they grow up. I’ve heard of bullying your peers, children the same age, etc. Bullying your own children is in a completely different league all together.
I want to start by teaching O and Jake to love their self. I’ve never met anyone who enjoys hurting other people that actually loved themselves. Abusing others feeds a hurt in the abuser. Even as I write this I still can’t imagine how much hurt the two kids had to do this to their own children but it’s obviously there. I want to teach them that respecting others is to respect thyself. This is a fundamental principle that needs to be instilled at a young age. They’re just not going to embrace that if up until 15 years old they learned different. I suppose I’m lucky in the fact that both of my children are still two years and under in age. They haven’t formed many of these constructs yet nor have they formed negative fundamental constructs that would affect them in the future. However, it is my responsibility and in my power to ensure that those fundamental building blocks are there. Those are the things that will carry them into adulthood. I can only imagine the lack of support these two kids had while they were growing up. I think it’s also important to have a zero tolerance policy on this type of thing. That is to say that it’s made abundantly clear that taking joy in anyone else’s pain (let alone your family) is never acceptable. That of course will be more of a challenge once they are in school. They’ll be exposed to many children teasing and/or laughing collectively at one or more children. Since parents aren’t in school 100% of the time, that fortunately or unfortunately falls on the teachers to handle. Then again, it’s our responsibility as parents to ensure that the teachers are holding others accountable for the rules that “we” want to set.
Of course, I’m not going to cover all the ways in which we can prevent our children from ever growing up to do this. I wanted to shed some light on a story I heard that sent pings of anger down my spine. I wanted to open up a dialogue about what and how we think these types of acts can be prevented. I may not have all the answers but this much I know…
We as parents are responsible for teaching our children the fundamental building blocks of healthy relationships. Our children and our society demands that we do. Not cut out for it? Tough shit. You should’ve thought about that before you had kids. Aren’t in a healthy state yourself? Go get help! We can’t teach our children to form healthy relationships if we can’t do it ourselves. We need to take back what has been taken from us. Our children deserve these gifts of education. If we fail in parenting then ultimately who fails are our children. We can’t rely on other people to turn our children into healthy beings (mentally or physically). Yes, we can rely on other people for support but not hand off responsibility. It sickens me that news stories like this are still popping up all the time. What do you think our role as parents play in this? How do you plan to ensure that your children don’t grow up to be these two kids in the news?
All things come back around and those "parents" and I use that term loosely will get what is coming to them. I cannot imagine being that cruel.
Yeah, let's hope they do! It's really gross.
There is more to that story. There were several loaded guns laying around the house that the BF had recently used in a burglary. Also, the mother had been putting the boy in a dark closet for hours on end with heavy water bottles (20 lbs each) in front of the door so he couldn't get out. They were not only using pot but were making it/growing it. I am a very anti-violence kind of guy, but in this case I would seriously kick their asses…repeatedly.
Thanks for the additional details Doc! Yeah, I didn't realize it had gone that far as well. As if what they had done wasn't enough. This is pure child abuse. How 10 days could even be plausible is beyond me. And guess what?? She's still has full custody of the baby!!!
Seriously, what the hell is going on??
Basically the DA used the mom in a plea bargain to turn against the BF which got 3-5 years. The sad fact of that is, he'll likely serve no more than a year. She is on supervised visits only right now, but I'm sorry, that beautiful child needs to be placed with people who would never even consider such a heinous act. Our punishment for crimes are pathetic due to overcrowding. I just PRAY we don't hear about this little boy dying within the next year.
Completely agree with you Doc. It's pathetic how our system works. Where are the family of these two parents? I'd love to hear what they think about this. I can't imagine their parents would be surprised by their actions. They just didn't wake up and think that child abuse was okay. There must have been some precedence set for them.
Just reaffirms the need for birth control. Just because one can procreate, does not mean one should. Those "parents" of this 22 month old should have had their child taken from them by child services until they get psychological help and are deemed fit to care for a child other than themselves.
Vincent | <a href"http://cutemonster.com">CuteMonster.com
Vince, I completely agree! How could the state allow the mother to have him back? You know she's going to do this again. I can't even believe it…Thanks for weighing in!
Scary in searching for the article I found two other cases of babies taped to walls.
I think there is part of the story here that's not being reported. She gets 10 days. He got 3-5 years and was also sentenced for possession of a stolen firearm and burglary. He's going to spend a lot of time in jail. What made the judge be harsh but fair on him and take it so easy on her? What's her story?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1314000/T…
Yeah, as you pointed out there's got to be more to the story. I did also find out that there were other similar cases. So this is a copy-cat case? I just don't get it. Children (especially this age) rely 100% on their parents for EVERYTHING and this is how they treat that little baby. This baby was 22 months old. I have a 13 month old and a 29 month old so it really hits home as I know it does for all of you.
Having previously been a CPS Director I can tell you the legal course of action. She will only have supervised visitations until she completes psychological counseling and parent counseling. Once he is returned to her she'll receive a monthly visit (if that) until the in-home assessment is deemed that she can now adequately care for the child. Yeah, it rarely works.
Nice! They always try and put the child back with the parent. The sad thing is this boy is going to go right back to her and do you think she's actually going to change behind closed doors? The only thing she's going to do different next time is not take pictures.
Everyone who is outraged by this can get involved in supporting a local parenting program. Donate money, and YOUR TIME. Be a mentor to a young parent, atteend classes held i your ton and share your experience and insight into what it takes to be a good dad or mom. I struggle every day to get men to come to my classes, the ones who show up are the ones in crisis, they could learn so much from men like you. ____Brian__Program Manager, STRONG Fathers, Sanford, ME__
Thanks for your comment Brian. I agree, there are things we can all do to get more involved. That's great that you take such an active role. I think another great way to help is through our virtual community on Twitter with #DadsTalking. There are so many ways for people to get involved. Of course, in person sessions can be the best so kudos to you!
Want to find a program near you? Go to Fatherhood.gov and click on the map. It's not everything, but there are a lot of resources there.
I just ate and I’m sick to my stomach now. I’d like to tape those sick freaks to the wall and beat the crap out of em. I don’t care if an eye for an eye makes everyone blind, they deserve that and more. I can’t believe this insane world we live in and how nothing is being done to protect children. There are never adequate consequences which is how horrible things end up happening.
Yeah, it's very sad and disheartening
Think about the last time you said something out loud and didn't think your child heard it until it comes out of his/her mouth a week later. Children learn what they live. It has been that way forever. If you hit, belittle or tape your kid to a wall, they learn that behavior and tend to repeat it. It is sad and sickens me.
I agree with you that it isn't about the weed. It is about humiliating someone and torturing someone. I too, want to do more. I am considering becoming a CASA volunteer, if I think I can handle the hard stuff, but to help out a child in a bad situation and give them support would be worth it. It is one small way to make a difference.
Very true indeed. Volunteering certainly takes a lot of time and effort, both physical and emotional. The pay off is huge though. Thanks for your comment.
They are parents of the kid? Wow. Why would anyone do that? Crazy.
I am Fickle Cattle.
My thoughts exactly.
Ugh, I am just furious! That story seriously makes me want to cry.
Yeah, I was soooooo angry when I first heard. Makes you want to punish someone, huh?