Dad Street

Sometimes it take me forever to make a decision! Ever open up a menu to find it stretches from the table top to the ceiling fan above your head? Ever walk in to Home Depot to find a paint color for the Nursery or your bedroom?

Yeah, too many choices can be a problem for this guy. You should see me in the card aisle at Target though. I’m really fast! This is one area of my life where I don’t get hung up. I’m not sure what it is but it’s almost like a race to get the cards and go.

I’ve always felt that the best place to be is one in which you have options. Not having options means your stuck and limited. One thing that takes many of us a long time to learn is how to make the “best” decisions from the choices and options at hand. I know I struggle with this every day and am certainly no expert in that area.

This is why it’s so important to teach our children “how” to make decisions as early as possible. I’ve found that before we can teach them how to make the best decision we need to teach them that they have an opportunity to do so. Recently, O has been acting up. Call it the Terrible Two’s a year late (she just turned 3). Just tonight, we got home a little later than usual and it was way past her bedtime. Of course, she didn’t want to go to bed and didn’t yet have her pajamas on. She refused to get her pajamas on as she wasn’t tired (so she said).

They’re never tired are they?

Well, in the past I’ve gotten stern, I’ve threatened to take away things, I’ve stabbed myself in the eye with a fork…What?

Tonight I tried an approach that I’ve tried a few other times and it went something like this:

Me: Honey, I’m going to give you two options and you get to pick one!

O: <looking up curiously>

Me: You can either put on your pajamas by yourself or Daddy can help you?

O: <wheels spinning>

Me: You get to pick! You’re a big girl and you get to decide what you want to do?

O: <eyes light up…or at least change color from firey red>

Me: Which one would you like to pick?

O: Daddy to help me!

Me: Excellent choice Olivia! See? Big girls get to make choices!

She got a smile on her face and was excited at the fact that she was able to own part of the process. This wasn’t Daddy laying down the law but rather her taking part in what was going to happen. She learned that she was able to be part of the process instead of being the end result in the process. This was great for me because I got my way. Both choices I gave her led to the desired outcome I wanted and it didn’t matter to me which she chose. Validating her choice at the end letting her know it was an excellent one made her feel empowered but also praised for doing “the right thing”.

The other beauty of this technique is that it’s a distractor. When she’s caught up in the emotion of being upset this distracts her. She has to actively participate in what I’m presenting to her. When I tell her what to do she’s not actively participating so she can more easily just block me out.

I’m really liking using this technique more and more and especially in times when she’s really not cooperating with me. I’m not suggesting this is going to work every time. However, I do think it works often enough. I also think it’s important because in life we always have choices and it’s as important to know when we have choices to make as it is what the right choice is.

Have you used this with your toddlers? What are your thoughts on this?

The other night we all went to dinner at a really cool local Brewery. As we made our way to the table I overheard a man tell his female companion, “Oh great”, as he eyed our children. Of course, we would be sitting right next to him. I thought it was appropriate to stir the pot ever so slightly so I leaned over and said, “Hey, we’re going to leave these two (motioning to our kids) with you guys while we eat dinner. I don’t think he knew that I heard him but I wanted him to know he’s an ass without telling him he’s an ass. His reply was, “As long as you pick up the tab”.

That night O and Jake ate dinner with us. Some people can be so rude and I’m just glad O and Jake had no clue what he said. Anyway the rest of the evening went pretty well. The usual rowdiness you’d expect from an almost 3 year old and 19 month old. Although, I’ll have to say they’re actually incredibly well behaved at Restaurants for the most part. I think that’s mainly due to the fact that we’ve been taking them there since they were born. We’ve also not limited ourselves to Diners and Fast Food Chains. In fact, O went to Roy’s at Pebble Beach 4 times before she was 1 year old. See how we prepped her? Don’t worry I paid for that one time as she was screaming her bloody head off. Consider it a training and initiation to get into the “My Kid Can Eat at A Restaurant Club”. They have their moments but overall they’re great out in public.

I suppose you could say they pretty much act as you would expect in most situations. That’s not always true of us parents though. We happen to find ourselves in situations that we never really thought would happen. More to the point, there are certain traits one can identify with as a parent. Some of these traits aren’t even ones you’d actually ever consider.

That night when we left the Restaurant and we were pulling out of the Parking Garage:

The Wifey says, “Honey, where’s the kids leftovers we took from the Restaurant?”

I say, “Sure, they’re right…” (as I turn to point as if to find them somewhere)

Only moments later I realize where I left them. The same place my wife left O’s shoes when she was a baby. This would also happen to be the same place coffee is left, sandwhiches are left, and even toys. I like to call this place the CAR ROOF!

As parents we can all identify with each other the second we begin talking about going out to eat with the fam! We know exactly what the other is thinking and as different as our children may be we all share the same stories. Sometimes, we can even identify another parent without even talking to them.

That’s right, “The Roof Drop”

Whenever you see a car driving or parked and there’s something on the roof? It’s got to be a parent! We’re the only ones that have no clue what we’re doing between the time we get to the car with our crap, put the kids in and actually drive off. This is inevitably where “The Roof Drop” occurs and sometimes we never even know it happened until days later.

So if you’re ever out driving and pick up on the fact that “The Roof Drop” occurred on a car near you, lean over and give that person a thumbs up. Show the love, show the support cause after all we’ve all been there!

Terrible Three’s?

Toddlers CAN Behave: The Power of Choices

Parents: Do You Do The Roof Drop?