Sunday afternoon my wife volunteered to help out with a local Prostate Screening. She works in the medical field and felt like this was something she wanted to be a part of. So that would mean I’d have O and Jake for the afternoon and we had to get out of the house. The kids wanted to go to the park so off we went to have some fun!
There weren’t too many other kids at the park when we got there. Although, there were several kids and a Mom that caught my attention. The three boys looked like they were between 5 and 8 years old. It actually caught my attention because I know how stressed I can feel keeping my eyes on both O and Jake at the same time. I was thinking how much work that must have been for that Mom having to watch 3 boys at the park!
The kids were playing on the jungle gym and having a good time. They had climbed up to the top of this ladder like contraption with semi-circle rails as steps. I’m totally not explaining this right but it was one of those things as a parent you always think they’re going to slip on and bust their chin wide open. Ughh…..just thinking about that!
Anyway, by the time the kids got to the top they were ready to go down the slide. As I went around the front of it to catch them at the bottom I saw this little boy (one of the three I saw earlier) climbing up the slide. I turned to him and said, “You’re going to want to get down Honey, cause they’re coming down”. He just sat there and looked at me without moving a budge. I tried to coax him again in as friendly as possible as a way but again he didn’t move. I told O and Jake to hold on but they were already making their way down the slide. Just as they were coming around the final turn the little boy’s mother came over and scooped him off the slide. She didn’t apologize or say anything other than, “Oh the boys like to climb up the slide.” Off the two of them went and I was left feeling like it was just a strange situation.
A few minutes later O and Jake were going down a different slide and guess who I saw at the bottom of the slide again? This time the kids were already on their way down before I saw him there and Jake slid in to him a little. It wasn’t hard enough for either of them to get hurt but it surprised me that the boy just sat there. It was almost like he wanted to get hit. I get how kids love climbing up the slide but typically they’re quick to get out of the way when someone is coming down at them at what seems like “break neck” speeds to a 5-year old. So the fact that this little boy just sat there waiting to get hit was a little strange to me. I turned and asked if he was alright (I knew he was) and gently told him to be careful. He looked at me with these big puppy dog eyes and his head tilted down towards the ground. He walked over and stood by me and the kids until his Mom came over and got him again. I realize she has two other boys to watch but at this point it just seems like this little guy is a little neglected and something doesn’t quite feel right.
The park we were at is actually divided into two separate play areas with separate equipment and everything. The kids decided they wanted to go over to the other play area. We walked over and guess who was following us? Eventually the mom caught on and came over to get him. About 10 minutes later I was pushing O on the swing and Jake was going down the slide just off to our left. I noticed the little boy again as he was coming towards the swing. I had to warn him to be careful as I was pushing O pretty high and had he stepped in front of her he would’ve been seeing stars. Fortunately he stepped off to the side. Then out of nowhere he comes right in front of me from the left and steps right in between O (who was swinging out) and myself. Thankfully I saw him just in the knick of time and was able to stop O from coming back really hard. Unfortunately, it was a little too late because it happened so fast and O did smack right back into him. He fell to the ground and laid there for a minute. I knew he was okay as the force wasn’t that hard but was still concerned that he got hurt. I was torn between feeling pissed off that he did that and concerned that both O and him were okay.
What was equally as strange as all this was that when the Mom noticed and came over she looked at him, asked if he was alright, picked him up and said, “Oh you must be tired, we should go home now”. She did not apologize to me, ask me if O was okay, or make any other remarks. I mean, both him and O could have gotten very hurt. She carried him off with her two other sons following behind and that was the last we saw of them. The odd thing was that he was quiet the entire time, even when he got knocked by the kids. Only this time he was screaming and crying in his moms arms as he left.
The whole experience was very weird but it occurred to me after I got home what might have been going on. The little boy was not aggressive but certainly put his body in harms way on several occasions. He went out of his way to get hurt and kept coming back for more. Oddly enough, (he being the youngest of the three boys) his mother was never around. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was feeling neglected or abandoned and his attempts at getting injured was just his 5-year old way of getting attention. I’m not a therapist and I could be completely off but the whole thing was just very strange.
I love going to the park with the kids and they always have a great time. It’s all fun and games for O and Jake but every time I go I’m constantly reminded of how different parenting styles there are out there. By all means am I no perfect parent and I do things wrong daily. For some reason the parks seem to attract those parents you just really question though. Could it be my way of projecting my own flaws on other parents? Perhaps it’s just that when you’re not the greatest parent in the world and you’re out in a public place it’s really hard to hide that fact. I think that brings me back to my own work and growth as a positive role in my children’s lives. I may not be the best parent in the world and far from it perhaps. One thing I do know is that I’m aware of both my good and bad parenting actions and I think that’s maybe one thing missing from that woman yesterday. I sure hope I’m wrong and that my concern of his abandonment and neglect was just something made up in my head and not a reality.
I hate being the judge-y parent but in the same breath, sometimes it’s obvious that there’s some pretty crappy parenting going on. A couple of our neighbors are notorious for not keeping an eye on their kids. I had an instance this summer where I caught a little boy who was maybe TWO, trying to take my kids’ toys off our porch. His parents were outside doing yardwork a couple of houses down and just not watching.
One of my biggest peeves though is the group of 7-9 year old boys who think the tree in my front yard is a great place to play. I have to run them off, chiding them about falling and getting hurt, only for them to come back a couple of days later. Their parents just shrug it off.
I know it takes a village, but a little responsibility, attention and guidance from parents is necessary.
I was actually thinking maybe the kid was used to getting beat up by his brothers, as he didn’t seem to mind getting hit.
The park is definitely an interesting place to parent watch. We were at the park on Friday and there were a ton of kids running around. I mentioned to my wife that it seemed there was a high ratio of kids to parents, which didn’t make much sense to me. Then she informed me that there was an entire table of parents behind us, just none of them were paying attention to their kids who were running around (and one of whom apparently threatened to punch another kid in the face).
Sometimes people just need to remember that the park isn’t a vacation from parenting.
Interesting. I’ve seen some odd examples myself, but I must say that it’s rare that I see parents at the park who just fail to keep an eye on their kids like that. In my experience, it’s far more common to see parents who are way too fussy, preventing the kids from exploring and testing their limits. I try to remind myself to stop the kids when there’s actual danger, not when there’s a risk of a small bump.
Getting in the way of other kids / being a risk to others is a different matter, of course. What you experienced, in particular running in from of the swing, is definitely not good.
The situation you describe here reminds me of something which happened to us a couple of years ago on Christmas Eve at a local fast food restaurant. We had finished our meal and were in the play area with all three of our kids. Both of us. Two older boys (probably 7 or 8ish), brothers, came in as their mom ordered food. They weren’t in her view and obviously not supervised. We kept an eye on them but only for the safety of our own kids. They were disheveled and their attitudes were very bullish. They too did the “climbing up the slide” thing and didn’t seem to want to listen to us when we warned them about our kids coming down the slide.
The kicker? After breaking up several almost incidents between the two boys and our kids, one of them grabbed our then almost 4yo daughter and began strangling her. I yelled at him to stop, all I could do because they were well out of reach in the upper climbing tube, he blamed it on her, and then his MOTHER came in once she heard us yelling and saw us frantic (keep in mind, she’s not been anywhere in sight this whole time) and proceeded to blame the entire event on our daughter, completely freeing her son from any responsibility at all. We spoke with management and were tempted to call the authorities but didn’t because well, it was Christmas Eve.
So while you may feel you were being judgy, I don’t see it that way at all. You were being protective – both of your children and of the other child. It’s truly a shame his own mother wasn’t more involved and yes, you don’t know what just happened in their life or why they were at the park – but – as parents, many of us put ourselves on alert when we sense danger. Some of us may not. It sucks the rest of us have to step it up but I think that’s all you were doing, not being judgy.
That’s my take and I’m sticking to it.
Thanks for your comment Lauren! I can’t imagine what you must have gone through there! Wow! Thanks for reading my post and for being so empathetic to an uncomfortable situation.
the park isn’t a playground or playmate. Sometimes parents think the wrong way and what is supposed to a fun time together ends us being quiet time for mommy/daddy. The little boy was thoroughly bored and saw you as a companion. Even though you weren’t playing with him you were paying attention to him. He liked it that’s why he stuck around.
Yeah totally agree. I also tried to pay him as much attention as I could. It was a little hard watching O and Jake as well but I did try. Poor guy….
Oh my gosh, what a tale. That poor child. Poor you! What a bad mother. Thank you so much for calling attention to this because it’s a really big issue. Next time, please take photos of the mom (or better yet, video) so that we can see for ourselves and call CPS. What on earth is that woman doing with 3 kids she can’t even handle? It’s so good of you to step in and take the time to write such a detailed blog post. We all feel like such better parents by comparison. Because that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Calling out a “bad mom” so we can rest assured that our kids won’t turn out to be as neglected and messed up as hers. Little boys should really play less playfully at the park, and never get hurt, because that’s the best way to learn in this world. I wonder why she didn’t reach out to you at the park when her kid kept wandering over. Maybe it was the smug look on your face? Obviously she was struggling and her kid was worn out. Why didn’t you reach out to her? Oh, right. Blogging about this incident and calling out “bad parents” is a much more mature and compassionate way to get the message out there and raise awareness. I’m sure you feel really great about this incident, as do I. Makes me want to go to the park so I can get written up by experts such as yourself and learn from my parenting mistakes. Thanks for such a great post!
Did I detect a note of sarcasm? I realized after I wrote the post that the title was bad. In fact, I wrote a follow up post earlier today calling out my being judgmental. Perhaps, you can read that to gain a better understanding of what I thought about the post. I don’t feel great about the incident. I’m not sure how you derived that from this post but if you did, I apologize. It wasn’t fun watching a child attempt to get hurt. It also wasn’t fun watching both of my children slam into this child when he walked right in harms way on multiple occasions. None of it was fun actually. Also? I’m not an expert. I’m a Dad that has a teeny tiny blog. Thanks for your spirit and passion and for visiting my blog.
I know what you’re saying, especially if a kid was bothering your family and getting hurt again and again while his mom did nothing. At the same time, these crazy creatures do like to go up the slide… And they even like getting hurt a little every once in a while. And I’m sure others think I’m a horrible parent because I almost never pick my kids up after they fall. For me, it makes sense to let my kids get up by themselves and continue playing, but I see others look at me like I’m a psychopath (and I’m sorry about that, but often being the only dad, I also make all of you look bad). Maybe the kid felt neglected, but I don’t know if I can judge parents of three kids, because I find myself collapsing into my iPhone when I just deal with two.
Some of the most odd parent-kid interactions I’ve seen and been part of have been at the park. But, I’ve also had some really cool interactions with local parents too. I know I’m embarrassed whenever my kid’s been aggressive toward another kid, and I physically move my kid away from the other if he’s hitting, kicking, throwing sand or doing the “mine” routine. Other parents seem to appreciate it, but they also immediately rush in and say “oh no no, it’s okay” and I have to tell them “thank you, but I’ve got to let him know it’s not okay or he’ll keep it up.” Parents seem to respect that.
You do definitely see ALL kinds at the park though!