Dad Street

Okay, like an idiot I realize, “Oh Geez…Maybe I should’ve written a different post…Oh I don’t know…maybe something that had to do with Valentine’s Day!!! Well, I’m a guy so give me some slack! Either way, I wish all of you a sweet Valentine’s Day! So, here goes the post that should’ve been a Valentine’s Day post.

Is giving something that you learn or is it something that is given to you? In otherwords, are you taught to give? I ask myself these questions from time to time. I have a really close friend who is always thinking of others. We could be out somewhere and he just automatically notices others that are in need. It’s like he has a built in radar to know that someone is in distress or in need of some kind of help. I, on the otherhand, don’t notice this at all. Of course, if it’s right in front of my face I do but in the normal course of the day I don’t have that “giving” instinct. I want to “give” whether it’s my time, my money, or my assistance. It’s just not something that comes naturally to me. Of course, I notice when others do it, like my friend. Immediately after I see an act of giving I think of how nice it was. Then I’m overcome with a sense of guilt and depression that I’m not wired that way. So I ask again…is the act of giving something that we’re born with or is it something we’re taught?

The more involved I get with blogging and social media the more I’m presented with products and offers from different companies. Recently I was given a very nice product that I just wasn’t able to use. My first thought was that I would run a promotion or contest either here or on www.LateNightParents.com or on www.DadsTalking.com. My thought was that it would be giving something nice to someone who follows me or one of the other projects I work on. Of course, the benefit for most of these blogs that give away things are the traffic it draws. People love having the opportunity to win something and it’s no surprise that when a site gives away a valuable prize it will draw a lot of attention. I suppose this really begs the definition of “giving”. The reality of the matter is that you’re giving something away (yes, to help someone out) but to generate that traffic in return (in the case of a blog). I’m not saying this is bad. I’ve actually only done one giveaway on DadStreet but that’s not to say I wouldn’t again. I just think we need to be real with ourselves if we’re going to call it “giving”.

This time was a little different for me though. There was someone on Twitter who had been reaching out to me with questions and seeking advice about parenting, etc. I knew that she was giving birth in a few short months. To my knowledge she had no blog, no major following in the way that I would benefit from any publicity. She was just (from what I saw) a really nice person who was about to experience the most amazing thing in the world, a baby. So, I did something very unusual for me. I gave her that product. You must understand. While I feel like I have a good heart and good intentions overall I’m just not Mr. Giving. It’s nothing more than I just don’t “think” about it even though I really wish I did. Well I have to say what I did was a bit infectious. It felt really good!! It made me want to do it again!

I don’t know how O and Jake will be when they grow up. Will they inheret my lack of natural giving? My wife is much more giving than I am as a whole so maybe they’ll get it from her. To be honest I just don’t know. One thing I do know is that I want them to grow up to be giving people. I want them to give in both time, resources, and emotion. I want them to be able to recognize when a legitimate need is there. To know that when there is that need they can quickly assess their ability to help/give and then do so. My wife and I have already started talking about giving away some of their unused toys. Mainly when they get a new toy they would give their older toy to someone else who could use it. We want them to physically give the toy so they’ll experience it themselves. I think starting now when they’re both so young is key.

It’s amazing what gifts I’ve been given just from having O and Jake. Something that I’ve been given is the ability to recognize the things I want to give them that I don’t already have. No, I’m not talking about material possessions. I’m talking about things like the gift of giving. Knowing that it is something that hasn’t been part of my natural make up I need to really incorporate it into my life. I’ve always felt I’ll never be successful of giving O and Jake the tools I want them to have if I don’t already possess them.

To ensure they grow up with the “gift of giving” will not only be the greatest gift I’ve ever received but the greatest gift I’ve ever given.

My Dearest Olivia and Jake,

By the time you read this letter, enough to understand it’s purpose, it’ll probably be 10 to 12 years from now. I started this blog as way to share with others my love for being a Dad to the both of you. I’ve tried to incorporate each or both of you into every one of my posts, even when the posts were more focused on me.

I want you to know that none of this would even be possible if it weren’t for one person in this world, your Mom. I haven’t talked about her a whole lot and that was not by design. Next to the two of you, your Mom is the single most important person in my life. After all, she’s the very reason you both are here. She gave me the greatest gift in the universe; the gift of being a Dad.

Mom has gone through so much in order for the both of you to be here. One day I’ll be able to share with you exactly how we got so lucky to bring you both into the world. For now? I want you to know that the strongest, most compassionate, loving, and honest person you’ll ever know is your Mom. She has made me such a better person. She has that affect on people. She knows what’s best even when you think she doesn’t. You’ll try and fight her on it and in the end? When your chin is down and you regret the path you chose you’ll realize the she knew the right one all along. Mom will say things that you don’t want to hear. Sometimes, the things that are “best” for us are things that don’t “feel” good at first.

I’m sharing this with you because there have been so many times that Mom has opened the door to the right path for me. Unfortunately, a lot of these times I decided to take another road only to find out she was right yet again. This may sound like I’m trying to warn you now that Mom is always right. Well…I am. There have been very few times when she was wrong and even when she was wrong she was right. I don’t know how this is possible but as your Dad I’m telling you, it is.

So, if you ever wonder where Mom fits in to my writings? I’m telling you now she’s in every single one of them. She’s the reason I am the person I am today. She’s the reason I have the two greatest gifts in the world. She’s the reason I get to call myself Daddy. I am forever indebted to Mom. The three of us are so lucky to have her. Every day we need to not only tell her we love her but show her we love her. Love is a verb and while we feel love in our hearts the only way to truly have love and share love is to love.

One of my responsibilities is to show you “how” to love. Sometimes when we know or feel we love someone we forget to love them. I hope that by the time you read this letter you will have seen that I’ve shown you how to love. After all, feeling love is something that comes naturally, we can’t control it. To know how to love someone, however, is different all together. It’s something we need to be aware of and something that we need to make a priority in our lives.

I love your Mom. I know you know this not because I tell you or hear me tell her. You know this because I love her with my actions just the same.

I love the both of you with all my being.

The Gift of Giving

A Father’s Letter To His Children On Love.

Hanging Out With Dad Revolution