Dad Street

I really miss my blog. The last few months for me have been quite busy . I’ve been doing a lot of personal work, which I plan on writing more about, as well as traveling, and just living life as a full-time working dad and husband. When I began writing it was a medium in which I was able to channel my thoughts and feelings about the things happening in my life. I’d have an experience or thought that I’d want to share and that would be the catalyst for me to post.

Not long after I began blogging did I start to do more work with brands. By “work with brands” I’m referring more to reviews, etc. I always thought I’d like doing reviews because generally I have so much to say about products and certainly ones that I like. However, I never intended for this site to be a review site. In addition, as I started doing more of these reviews I realized how stressful I would feel. I think it boiled down to having to now put timelines into what I was doing casually. In fact, I was actually blogging more before I started doing reviews. I’d receive a product, not have time to actually test it out and then wind up receiving countless follow up emails inquiring as to when I would be posting. Then the pressure of having to review an actual product and write about it set in, leaving me frustrated and stressed out.

Of course, having these unneeded commitments wasn’t the only thing that kept me away from writing on a more regular basis. I have been spending quite a bit of time over the last several months trying to find “self”. This may sound alien to most of you but I’ll explain later in a more detailed post. I used to be able to write late at night after everyone went to bed but for some reason when it gets dark out now, I’m just beat. Perhaps some of that has to do with some new responsibilities we have. Just about a month ago both O and Jake started Pre-School. That’s required us to prepare their clothes and breakfast/lunches the night before. In addition, instead of waking up and getting ready to leave for work we’re now getting both of the kids ready to leave the house before 7am. That is a serious chore!

Blogs mean different things to different people. Some people have a dedicated review blog. Others conduct giveaways and do a lot of brand promotion. While I’m not opposed to working with brands on one level or another (I’m on the eBay Parent Panel) I am finding that doing reviews isn’t really in alignment with what I want personally or for this particular blog. Lately I was feeling guilty and perhaps even a bit ashamed for not having posted on a regular basis. I think that’s okay too though. I don’t plan on giving up this blog or giving up my writing. There will be times in my life when I go through a period of time blogging daily and then other times where I may go for a few weeks without.

Could this inconsistency hurt me?

I’ve decided it can’t. Blogging isn’t my profession, it’s my passion. I am not my blog. Yes, what I write in my blog is me but whether the blog lives or dies has no relationship to my own personal well being. So I’m making a choice to stop feeling ashamed and to stop feeling guilty when I don’t make the time to blog. With that said, I do plan to start writing more and to start writing with more meaning and purpose. Writing when I really want to share something will be much more authentic than writing to meet some quota. I’ve realized I need more authenticity in my life and what better way to incorporate that than with my most deepest and personal stories I share with you.

There’s actually two parts to this conversation. The first part of the conversation has to deal with us saying, “No” to other people. I don’t just mean in obvious situations where we’re in some physical danger but rather in everyday life. How many times have you said, “yes” or not said, “no” for that matter? I have to admit that for the longest time I’ve had trouble saying, “no”. I know mostly it goes back to esteem issues. I struggled to say, “no” because I didn’t want others to reject me. Of course, not saying, “no” meant that I wasn’t being honest. I wasn’t being honest with myself nor with the person whom I was in this situation with.

As hard as it is for many of us to say, “no” to someone else, it’s equally as hard to hear someone say, “no” to us. Why is this? For starters, we often feel rejected when we hear “No”. We take it personally and it hurts.

A No to you is a Yes to Me.

When I say, “no” to you, it’s really a “yes” to myself. We’re being honest with ourselves when we say, “no”. This was a hard concept to grasp and one that I recently experienced at home.

Several weeks back my wife and I were on the couch relaxing. We weren’t on the best of terms with each other so there was a bit of tension there. I’m much more of a touchy feely type of person and was feeling like I needed a hug. I leaned in to my wife and asked her if I could have a hug. She turned to me and in a firm but not harsh reply said, “no”.

No? Wow! I could feel the little zing as if I was being poked in the kidney’s. That feeling only lasted a moment as I thought for a moment. I felt myself “in the moment” and realized I was okay. Even though she wasn’t in a place to give me a hug I was still okay. This was an important lesson for me to understand. My happiness and sense of security was not based on her giving me a hug.

I still felt a bit of rejection though and several months ago that same situation would have really done me in for the worse. However, I realized that my wife was just not there in that moment to share a hug with me. She was saying, “no” to me but “yes” to protecting herself. It was important for me to realize that she was saying, “yes” to herself.

Healthy relationships won’t last unless we can exhibit self care.

A few weeks went by and I told my wife that I celebrated her No. I told her that even though I would have liked a hug, I was supportive of her taking care of herself and being authentic.

Our Yes’ are dependent on our No’s being real No’s. Every time we agree to do something for someone or agree to do something we just don’t feel comfortable doing we make our Yes’ that much less meaningful.

If we can’t say, “No” our Yes’ don’t mean shit.

Writing With Meaning And Purpose

If We Can’t Say, “No” Our “Yes’” Don’t Mean Shit.