Dad Street

Sunday afternoon my wife volunteered to help out with a local Prostate Screening. She works in the medical field and felt like this was something she wanted to be a part of. So that would mean I’d have O and Jake for the afternoon and we had to get out of the house. The kids wanted to go to the park so off we went to have some fun!

There weren’t too many other kids at the park when we got there. Although, there were several kids and a Mom that caught my attention. The three boys looked like they were between 5 and 8 years old. It actually caught my attention because I know how stressed I can feel keeping my eyes on both O and Jake at the same time. I was thinking how much work that must have been for that Mom having to watch 3 boys at the park!

The kids were playing on the jungle gym and having a good time. They had climbed up to the top of this ladder like contraption with semi-circle rails as steps. I’m totally not explaining this right but it was one of those things as a parent you always think they’re going to slip on and bust their chin wide open. Ughh…..just thinking about that!

Anyway, by the time the kids got to the top they were ready to go down the slide. As I went around the front of it to catch them at the bottom I saw this little boy (one of the three I saw earlier) climbing up the slide. I turned to him and said, “You’re going to want to get down Honey, cause they’re coming down”. He just sat there and looked at me without moving a budge. I tried to coax him again in as friendly as possible as a way but again he didn’t move. I told O and Jake to hold on but they were already making their way down the slide. Just as they were coming around the final turn the little boy’s mother came over and scooped him off the slide. She didn’t apologize or say anything other than, “Oh the boys like to climb up the slide.” Off the two of them went and I was left feeling like it was just a strange situation.

A few minutes later O and Jake were going down a different slide and guess who I saw at the bottom of the slide again? This time the kids were already on their way down before I saw him there and Jake slid in to him a little. It wasn’t hard enough for either of them to get hurt but it surprised me that the boy just sat there. It was almost like he wanted to get hit. I get how kids love climbing up the slide but typically they’re quick to get out of the way when someone is coming down at them at what seems like “break neck” speeds to a 5-year old. So the fact that this little boy just sat there waiting to get hit was a little strange to me. I turned and asked if he was alright (I knew he was) and gently told him to be careful. He looked at me with these big puppy dog eyes and his head tilted down towards the ground. He walked over and stood by me and the kids until his Mom came over and got him again. I realize she has two other boys to watch but at this point it just seems like this little guy is a little neglected and something doesn’t quite feel right.

The park we were at is actually divided into two separate play areas with separate equipment and everything. The kids decided they wanted to go over to the other play area. We walked over and guess who was following us? Eventually the mom caught on and came over to get him. About 10 minutes later I was pushing O on the swing and Jake was going down the slide just off to our left. I noticed the little boy again as he was coming towards the swing. I had to warn him to be careful as I was pushing O pretty high and had he stepped in front of her he would’ve been seeing stars. Fortunately he stepped off to the side. Then out of nowhere he comes right in front of me from the left and steps right in between O (who was swinging out) and myself. Thankfully I saw him just in the knick of time and was able to stop O from coming back really hard. Unfortunately, it was a little too late because it happened so fast and O did smack right back into him. He fell to the ground and laid there for a minute. I knew he was okay as the force wasn’t that hard but was still concerned that he got hurt. I was torn between feeling pissed off that he did that and concerned that both O and him were okay.

What was equally as strange as all this was that when the Mom noticed and came over she looked at him, asked if he was alright, picked him up and said, “Oh you must be tired, we should go home now”. She did not apologize to me, ask me if O was okay, or make any other remarks. I mean, both him and O could have gotten very hurt. She carried him off with her two other sons following behind and that was the last we saw of them. The odd thing was that he was quiet the entire time, even when he got knocked by the kids. Only this time he was screaming and crying in his moms arms as he left.

The whole experience was very weird but it occurred to me after I got home what might have been going on. The little boy was not aggressive but certainly put his body in harms way on several occasions. He went out of his way to get hurt and kept coming back for more. Oddly enough, (he being the youngest of the three boys) his mother was never around. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was feeling neglected or abandoned and his attempts at getting injured was just his 5-year old way of getting attention. I’m not a therapist and I could be completely off but the whole thing was just very strange.

I love going to the park with the kids and they always have a great time. It’s all fun and games for O and Jake but every time I go I’m constantly reminded of how different parenting styles there are out there. By all means am I no perfect parent and I do things wrong daily. For some reason the parks seem to attract those parents you just really question though. Could it be my way of projecting my own flaws on other parents? Perhaps it’s just that when you’re not the greatest parent in the world and you’re out in a public place it’s really hard to hide that fact. I think that brings me back to my own work and growth as a positive role in my children’s lives. I may not be the best parent in the world and far from it perhaps. One thing I do know is that I’m aware of both my good and bad parenting actions and I think that’s maybe one thing missing from that woman yesterday. I sure hope I’m wrong and that my concern of his abandonment and neglect was just something made up in my head and not a reality.

As parents we try all kinds of crazy things to get our kids to do what we want. Usually, it goes something like this:

Parent: “Honey, Would you please put your shoes on?”
Child: “No”
Parent: “Now Sweetheart, I’m asking you nicely to put your shoes on.”
Child: “No”
Parent: “Look, We need to leave and in order to do so you’re going to have to put your shoes on.”
Child: “No”
Parent: “Am I going to have to help you or are you going to do it yourself like a big boy/girl?”
Child: “No”
Parent: “If you don’t put your shoes on right now I’m going to take that toy away!”
Child: “No”
Parent: “I’m not kidding around, I will take that toy away!”
Child: “No”
Parent: “Oh you think I’m kidding! Don’t even make me count to 3!”
Child: “No”
Parent: “Damnit!! Look, I’ll buy you candy at the store!”
Child: “Ok”

Now this isn’t exactly how my conversations go with O and Jake but sometimes they’re not terribly far off from that. I’m sure many other parents are having some flashbacks to some similar conversations as well. Today, I ran into a surprisingly different situation with O. We were about to leave the house and I asked her to get her shoes on. She walked away from me (don’t you just hate that?) and said, “No”. I asked her nicely a couple other times only to be met with resistance. It was at that point that I decided to try something new. O loves watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates. We often pretend that she’s “Izzy”, Jake is “Cubby” (go figure Jake isn’t Jake, oh well…), I’m “Captain Hook” and my wife is “Mr. Smee” (that’s the best! LOL).

So I turned to O and in my best Captain Hook voice said, “Well Matey why don’t you come over here to my magical Nail Painting Factory?” At first she was a bit confused as I hadn’t done this before. She started to get a little smile on her face and I prompted her a couple other times. I was inviting her to grab my hand and come to the Nail Painting Factory. She finally gave in, took my hand, and I helped her on the bed. I took each of her little toes and “magically” painted each one with a bright color! I even let her pick which color she wanted me to to paint them. When I was done “painting” each toe I sprinkled pixie dust on her foot and finished it off with a sock and a shoe. I went through all ten toes and before I knew it both shoes were on!

We had a fun moment together and what normally would’ve turned into me pulling my hair out and her being frustrated ended in us both smiling and walking away. O is 3 years old and her imagination is just running wild. We often find ourselves pretending to be different characters or playing out different scenes. What was different this time was the fact that we were using imagination and pretend to get her to comply with a task she otherwise would have resisted. In the end, she got to have fun playing with Dad (as I did with her) and I was able to get her to put her shoes on.

Sometimes as parents we’re so focused on the end result that we forget there are many means to the same end. Thinking outside the box can enrich the relationship you have with your children and help to build confidence, trust, creativity, and of course build that bond so strongly needed between parent and child.

What ways do you use to encourage your child to do what you ask?

I had mixed feelings about the kids going to Pre-School. Not because I didn’t intellectually know it was the right thing to do but it was emotionally challenging. Intellectually it made all the sense in the world. Our Nanny is having a baby in early October with complications which means her availability is scattered at best. O turned 3 years old in April and I think is more than ready to be in Pre-School. Jake just turned 2 and while he’s on the fence in terms of age I think it will be good for him as well. Now that my family planning calculator has successfully spit out a positive response to the kids being in Pre-School I can start wrestling with my emotions.

For all the challenges we faced in having O and Jake the preciousness of their babiness is just engrained in me. I didn’t want them to walk! I resisted for a long time buying O “panties” even after she was potty trained (which happened at an early age). I had thoughts of putting them in the freezer just for a few seconds in hopes that it would somehow stunt their growth and they would remain babies forever. So the thought of them going to school was not a positive one in my wonderful brain.

Instead I convinced myself that this was awful and that I had to be completely sad and devastated over it. Then after some thought I was ready to take them, along with my wife, to their first day of Pre-School. The school is conveniently located near our house and has a great layout. There were kids playing everywhere, toys galore, a huge outside play area and honestly it looked like the kind of place I could trade for work!

O is in a different class than Jake since she’s a year older (the rooms are right down the hall from each other) and we went to say goodbye to her. She was excited to go play and I hugged her goodbye only to find my cheeks wet with tears flowing.
Dammit! I’m crying! Note: O did not shed a tear.

Then we went to go drop Jake off in his room. That was not as easy and he balled his little head off, lower lip petruding and all! So, then comes on Round 2! I start balling and I’m a hot mess all over. My wife and I made it out and while she didn’t lose it inside (yeah only the boys cried on that day; Jake and me) she lost it after.

Damn that sucked!!

Days 2 thru 6 were really really bad! We’re talking hanging on to the legs, begging to go to work, red-faced, crying, crying, and more crying and that was just me!!

Just in the last couple of days now the kids are doing a “little” bit better. They’re crying less when we leave and in fact when O said she didn’t want to go to school this morning she had half a grin on her face. They have a great time in school and that’s evident by the fact that when we pick them up they’re smiling, playing, and having fun. O takes good care of Jake and we’ve been able to witness that when we come to pick them up. We’ll get there without them knowing and just watch them play and O takes such good care of him! With all the kids running around outside O and Jake can still be found holding hands and playing together. Too Cute!!

The big challenge now is getting out of the house. Since both my wife and I work it’s a huge challenge getting all four of us out of the house by 6:30am!! Yeah, a 2 year old, a 3 year old, a 37 year old who acts like a 3 year old and the only adult in the house, my wife, out by 6:30!! Fun times!! LOL

All in all I know that they are going to learn so much in the next couple of months and years. They’re little brains are sponges just waiting to soak up all that there is to know. While it’s hard for me as their Daddy to see them grow up one thing doesn’t change. I don’t stop being Daddy and that means I get to teach them, share with them, and most importantly love them each and every day whether they’re crawling around the floor in diapers or swinging from the playground at Pre-School.

Bad Parenting and The Park

Kids Won’t Listen? Use Your Imagination!

Pre-School: A First For O and Jake