Dad Street

If you’re a regular reader of this blog then you’re probably wondering if I fell off a cliff. If you’re not a regular here you might be thinking similar thoughts about my regularity (and I’m not talking about my bathroom schedule). I recently moved hosting providers and lost a couple of my posts so it doesn’t look like I’ve posted recently. In fact, I haven’t posted as much as I normally do.

Life has gotten the better of me and I’ve been so busy with work, the family, traveling, and my other efforts with Dads Talking. I’ve really missed writing and have so much to share with you. However, something came across me last night and I thought I’d share that instead. It’s a letter I’m writing to O and Jake and it goes something like this…

My Dearest Olivia and Jake,

For the last year or so I’ve taken on the approach that other people aren’t to blame for our actions. I do truly believe that we may not be able to control what happens to us but we can control how we respond. I suppose on the larger picture we might think of horrible things like Bubby getting cancer or the time that I was held up at gunpoint and handcuffed. Of course these are times when it’s easy to see how we might allow forces outside of us to control our response.

Every day things happen to us, big and small; each of these times we’re still responsible for how we respond. Last night when I was setting up a digital frame in our Living Room you (Olivia) saw the frame turn on and started playing with it. I think you told the frame that you wanted to use Turkish as a language because it took me 2 hours to fix it and I couldn’t understand a word! The point is, I was very short with you and was visibly frustrated. Even though I didn’t yell or scold you, I sensed you saw my frustration because you must have apologized 5 times to me. I can’t imagine how old you might be when you read this but you’re two and a half today. If there’s one thing that Daddy knows it’s that two and a half year olds should be two and a half year olds. When you saw that shiny light go on that was your queue to go play with it! I should’ve never gotten upset with you like I did.

I realized afterwards that I wasn’t upset that our Frame could only be understood by someone living in Turkey. I was upset because I felt a lack of control. Even worse, it was a lack of control for the very constraints I put on myself. Most of the things that keep me so busy now a day are things I’ve put on myself. They’re choices I’ve made and as a result I’m suffering. I’m suffering because I have a million and one things to do and no time to do them. You should only reap the rewards from the work I do and should never have to consume any of the stress that gets unleashed as a result.

Again, you’ve reinforced a lesson I thought I learned but haven’t been practicing. I acted like a victim last night and with all my built up frustrations found some way deep inside to convince myself it was okay to get upset. I fell victim to my own weaknesses. For that I am very sorry. I’m upset with myself for responding the way I did but I do see a light of hope here.

You’ve helped me see something inside of myself that I might otherwise not have seen. Anybody can look at the surface of a picture but to get into the things that make the picture is something different. As you both grow and mature you’ll be faced with many situations where what’s on the outside, the surface, will appear one way. Pealing back those layers and understanding…really understanding what’s behind will allow you to embrace, nurture, and develop your inner self.

I love you both more than you’ll ever know. Just when I think I understand myself and the world around me I’m knocked back down with the thought that in a combined 3 years of life between the two of you I’m constantly growing, learning, and ultimately becoming a better Dad.

I am forever indebted to you both for giving my life purpose, substance and for giving me the greatest gift in the world…The gift of being your Dad.

Love always,

Daddy

Thirty-six years ago today O and Jake’s dad was born. Yeah, that would be me…

I took a half-day off from work today and drove down to Carmel (just a few miles south of Monterey) to stop by my favorite Sushi place, Sushi Heaven. I decided I’d head down the street to the beach to sit, enjoy the view, and pontificate (did I really just say that?) on what it means to be one year older. I’m not sure what it really means in and of itself but I can reflect back on the last thirty-six years and think about where I am today and where I’m going.

I think it’s pretty common for people to ask you what your birthday wishes are. When I sit here and reflect I begin to put it into perspective and in terms of what I wish for O and Jake. After all, this is a “Daddy Blog” so it would seem appropriate that I throw those little munchkins in here, right? Truth be told I can’t stop thinking about them. They are all I think about. Yes, you too honey (The Boss could be reading)! If I think about some of the things I’ve learned over my last thirty-six years on this planet I think it’d be worthwhile to put them into wishes. Wishes for what you ask? Well, let’s call this a wish list for all the things I want for O and Jake as they grow up.

So since this is my birthday and I can cry if I want to…Okay, no crying here but that stupid song just popped in my head…I’m going to list out thirty-six wishes for O and Jake. Please note these aren’t in any particular order of priority.

A very long healthy life free of major illness, disease, and physical hardship
At least another 30 years to spend with their Bubby (Grandma)
A close loving relationship with each other with relatively few sibling beatings
To learn as much as they their little brains can take about all the glories in life
To know what true love is, to learn from heartbreak, and to share their hearts
To be charitable to other individuals and communities
To respect the differences in people and value others for their own contributions
To be honest when they’re not lying (that was a joke), have integrity, and respect
To always take that extra bit of risk when pursuing their dreams and goals
To believe and know they are amazing people
To put family first
To know that doing too much is better than doing nothing at all
To be the first to say I can help you
To know that differences are really little gems of knowledge in disguise
To know fulfillment does not always come from consumption especially of the material kind
To know that sharing your emotions makes you stronger and empowers you
To know that some of the most amazing experiences in life are free and right before their eyes
To know that if they give enough they will get back more
To know they were both miracle babies that according to Doctors should have never been here. They are two miracles.
They never have to experience crime, war, or devastation
They know that it’s not what happens to us but how we respond to those things
They allow themselves to try different foods from a variety of cultures
They have at least twice the number of birthdays I may ever have
They know what it’s like to work hard for something and deservedly get it
They’re able to find peace even in times of helplessness and despair
They know that present or not their daddy is ALWAYS there for them
They know they are never alone even when no one else is around
They learn early that they are leaders and they need to carve the pathway for others
They first attempt at learning themselves before they cast judgment on others
To know that making others laugh may be the best gift they can give
To know that they can do anything their imaginations can dream of if they just try
To know obstacles are thrown in their way for them to jump over
To know that success in life isn’t what the rest of the world thinks it is
To have all of the successes in life I ever had and will have and many, many more
To know that birthday’s are special and that celebrating with loved one’s is the best gift
To know that their daddy loves them more than anything else in the world and that love will continue to grow long after I’m able to utter the words, “I love you”

I’m sure I missed some really key wishes here and maybe spouted off some that sounded stupid as well. Cut me some slack here though…I’m sitting at the beach with a belly full of Sushi on my birthday and I just came up with this stuff!

Birthdays have more meaning for me now as they’re really spent more thinking about the gifts I’ve always dreamed of and finally have…Olivia and Jake.

A Father’s Letter: Lessons From a 1 And 2 Year Old

Thirty Six Birthday Wishes