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Jun 102011
 

It’s weird how I come up with things to write. I think the reason I’m so chatty on Twitter is because it’s so easy. Things pop up into my brain faster than Jakey needs his next diaper change (which is quick). The problem is getting them all down on the proverbial paper. With Twitter, I have a thought, out whips my phone and viola! It usually takes a little bit bigger of an event to cause me to realize I should/could write about it. The problem is I’m kind of a normal guy and so I don’t get too many major events in my life. What winds up happening is that I post too infrequent (I miss not writing). Hence, this week I went all week without anything to say. Which if you know me on Twitter, Facebook, or real life I never have a shortage of anything to say. Some may wish I do, but alas that’s not the case.

So with that I thought I’d bring to you some of those “normal things” happening in a given week for me.

I had been working from home this past week when O and Jake were sitting in their highchairs, having lunch. Normally Jake is down for a nap by this time but he seemed to be a little more wired than usual – Can you even imagine? Anyway, I look over and realized he was still eating his graham cracker. Only when I looked up from his hand I noticed the boy was knocked out! He fell asleep eating!!

When we bought the house it came with a stove that was pretty darn old. Let’s put it this way; we’ve been lighting the range with a lighter and the oven had to be set to 250 in order to get it to 350. Needless to say it was in desperate need of replacement. Fortunately, my wife’s parents were renovating their kitchen and were replacing their stove. It was a nearly new stove with some really awesome features, like convection! As someone who cooks (I’m the chef in the house) the importance of a good quality stove is never under-appreciated. Well they were nice enough to not only give us their stove for free but to deliver it to us too!! My MIL and SIL (that’s Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law for you non web people) drove the 400 miles from Southern California to deliver it! I had to make some minor adjustments to the height of the stove. Apparently, Jake wanted to give Daddy a helping hand and thank goodness he did!

As someone who enjoys cooking, I also like going food shopping. I know, I’m weird…right? I like food so the prospect of going to shop and buy it is pretty appealing. Plus, the last I checked I kind of need it to stay breathing so it’s overall a good thing. Prior to having the kids I was always worried about what that’d be like. Fortunately, someone invented the perfect mode of transportation for my food as well as the kiddies. Every time we go to the store O and Jake race to the shopping cart with the dual driving car attached! They drive me all over the store!

It wouldn’t have been a complete week of parenting without having my nails painted. My wife decided to paint O’s nails for the first time. She was so excited about it that she ran over to me, nail polish in hand, wanting to return the favor. The only problem was the favor should have been returned to her Mom. Apparently, she didn’t get the memo that most dudes don’t have nail polish. Anyway, I’m not your normal dude or your normal dad so when she came over I gladly offered both of my hands and feet to be painted a pretty pink. All was fine and good until I showed up at the Dr. this week realizing my finger and toe nails were painted pink. Yeah, I had flip flops on too. I’m pretty sure he thought I was lying when I said I had a three year old daughter at home. Oh well…

Oct 272010
 

Last night I awoke to my wife getting off the couch and running to the back of the house. Yes, I happened to have fallen asleep on that same couch as well. However, she heard O crying while I was deep in my little piece of heaven I call sleep. By the time I got back to the kids’ bedroom Jake was standing up crying and O was laying in her bed crying. The boss told me that O had peed her bed!

Side Note: O hasn’t worn a diaper in a couple of weeks now and this was the first time she’d ever had an accident in bed!

Where was I? Oh right, O was laying in her own pee. Well of course I felt just awful and wanted to do something. As you would’ve imagined I jumped to the task! I swooped O out of bed, carefully mind you, laid her on the changing table and proceeded to clean up the mess. With one fail swoop I whisked the sheets (including mattress pad) off the bed and with the other hand successfully managed to place both new mattress pad and sheet on the crib. Within 22 seconds O was sound asleep in her crib again with changed clothes and all.

Okay, that’s not exactly what happened. It turns out that being a Dad with sleep deprivation whose name happens to be Josh is a complete bone head at midnight when woken from a sound sleep. You see when I got in the room I understood what was happening and yes I felt so awful for her. What I didn’t get was what to do next! The boss had to instruct me in the following ways:

The Boss: Take her out of bed and change the sheets

Me: Okay….

The Boss: Okay, the sheets are in the Armoire

Me: Okay….

The Boss: The mattress pad goes on first

Me: Okay…

The Boss: Take your time I have no problem holding Jake here and watching O while you do this (saracsticly).

Me: Okay…

The Boss: Change her clothes

Me: Okay…

The Boss: You actually have to place her back in her crib now

Me: Okay…

Once both babies were back to bed and all order had been restored I actually felt pretty good about myself. Albeit, dead tired and a bit shell shocked from the happenings of the last few minutes. What I wasn’t expecting was her reaction though! She turned to me and told me how upset she was with me. I couldn’t believe it! Yeah, well I guess she had to tell me how to do every single thing. I was an idiot! I was as useless as a ragdoll and what’s worse is I didn’t even know it!

So it got me thinking…Am I the only one this happens too? Do other wives have husbands that respond this way in similar situations? Do other Dads have brains that turn to much in similar situations?

Please, tell me I’m not a jerk! Tell me I’m not alone and that this is totally normal! If it’s not tell me that too though because I’m going to need some help!!

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